Lou Holtz went on to eat that grass he's picking at. Like a brain-damaged hamster.

Neutral site game location: Charlie Weis' deepset navel What? It'd be just like Cal's stadium! Miami and Notre Dame have reached out and touched each other in the interest of renewing one of college football's nastiest rivalries [reminisce here if you can stand to watch Don Bailey, Jr. talk - I know I can't]. ND's contract with Notre Dame includes an annual neutral site game through 2015, which their AD Jack Swarbrick suggests might  be just the place to insert a good old-fashioned ass-whipping.

Swarbrick says the matchup, initiated by Miami's Kirby Hocutt, is appealing because "they are two great academic institutions. We're eager to play schools that share our values."  EQUAL VALUES? As far as I can tell ND's values extend only to uniformly pale skin and a decrepit, hollow shell of a fanbase. I think not, Swarbrick. Those are fighting words, and now you must die.

Honey, I didn't mean it. You just made me so angry.  ESPN's Heather Dinich is back in my much-yearned-for good graces after a pretty decent snap yesterday.  See, baby, if you just do what you're supposed to, I wouldn't have to keep you in line.

Speaking of ESPN, even Ivan Maisel is taking note of what's brewing in Coral Gables, picking the 'Canes as a team to make a big leap forward this year:

Mark Whipple, who will run the offense, may be the best coordinator hire of the college football offseason. John Lovett will run the defense. In other words, the table is set.

Yeah, bitches! All we need now are dinner guests victims. NOM NOM NOM.

We're going to need a bigger armhole. Behold Allen Bailey before last week's scrimmage. There are no words (except, "Please don't hurt me, Mr. Bailey").