Today we are all Mrs. Mike Joneses Every one loves our new running back, and wants to marry him.  

He is the early enrollee excelling most.  He is the guy who committed and never wavered. He is a smarty pants and, like, totally grasps this offense because he was VP of the National Honor Society and, you know, I think he's in Mensa or something.  He can even turn cynical hacks into slobbering campaign managers.  He is The Happiest 'Cane.''Look at him now! Look at him,'' running backs coach Tommie Robinson said. "He's a great, great kid. We're lucky to have him.''

There's not even a point to this. I just like to say "Mike James!" Just like everyone else.

So the OL is going to suck, then Jorge Milan reports Matt Pipho's name is pronounced "PEE-po." Oh, and he might be a starter now.

Elton John lyrics pending  It's just like in the movies: two people from different cultures are brought together by circumstance, discover the other is weird, give a "hell naw, man," face adversity, eventually come together to make the team bus, and form a bond that will never die.

LaRon Byrd, the kid from Louisiana who likes crawfish, 'Lil Wayne, voodoo, and a sprinkling of Spanish Pox, is played by wide receiver LaRon Byrd. 

Vaughn Telemaque, the Long Beach-raised fish out of water who likes West Coast rap, cholo clothes, cacti, and skateboarding, is played by safety Vaughn Telemaque. 

With any luck John Candy will rise from the dead to play Mark Whipple, and the only person who dies in the end is Patrick Nix.