Ryan Braun Wears Dickhead Clothes

by The Great Barstoolio on Jun 11, 2009 3:13 PM EDT

While scouring internet for a picture of Ryan Braun, because he turned down The Bachelorship, my eyes unfortunately went from this:

to this:

OOOH THE GRIM REAPER IN A SWIRL OF OLD LADY FLORAL COUCH COLORS.

That almost makes me forget you're a baseball player, who appears to wax his entire body IN WISCONSIN. Is this like the Ed Hardy Phantom of Darkness line?

No. Worse, actually, if such a thing is possible.

It's called "Affliction," and purports to be "set[ing] the bar high in fashion" thanks to the collection's "indulgence of style and design, focus on quality, and its trademark series of divinely executed, dark and powerful themes. Affliction is a mainstay for the most elite athletes, heaviest bands, A-listers and the fashion conscious worldwide."

Oh, so you mean like "assholes." We'll look for you on the runways in Paris, Affliction.

Or not.

As for you, Braun, we love you, honey. We think you're a terrific boy. But you have clothes like a fucking dickhead.

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Comments

i'll give you one guess where affliction's flagship store is located

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=affliction,store,miami&hl=en&ie=UTF8&ll=25.790565,-80.136552&spn=0.112058,0.146427&z=13

by lt.winslow on Jun 11, 2009 5:06 PM EDT reply actions

HA!

I didn’t realize this was like, a real thing.

by The Great Barstoolio on Jun 11, 2009 8:46 PM EDT up reply actions

Oh. my. He has his own signature shirt.

His Signature Affliction tee features a samurai warrior holding a sword with a large tiger head on the front. The back has Asian writing near the bottom with silver foil accents. The Signature Series is a rare, limited edition line spotlighting select bands, artists, and athletes and are bound to be a collector’s item! Grinded/frayed neck, sleeves, and hem. Lava / mineral wash for vintage look.

by The Great Barstoolio on Jun 11, 2009 9:01 PM EDT reply actions

Ah.....

Affliction, the uniform of choice for dbags, greasers, JAPs, and assholes everywhere. Also seen with copious amounts of hair gel. Most of the bangbus and intheVIP guys wear these.

I'm Banana dammit!!!

by BurritoBrosShits on Jun 11, 2009 9:54 PM EDT reply actions

Okay, I'm officially the last person to know.

Which apparently means I’m living right.

by The Great Barstoolio on Jun 11, 2009 10:38 PM EDT up reply actions

Don't forget Guidos

You can’t forget guidos. And just wait until Jimmy Montana up at Notre Dame finds these!

A futile crusade to prevent mass ignorance

HammerAndRails, SBNation's Boliermaker Blog

by BoilerTMill on Jun 11, 2009 11:23 PM EDT up reply actions

If you want to beat a stripper, these are the clothes to wear while doing so.

I'm Banana dammit!!!

by BurritoBrosShits on Jun 12, 2009 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

affliction...

when ed hardy just isn’t gay enough

by lt.winslow on Jun 15, 2009 7:23 PM EDT reply actions

SERIOUSLY

I’m not over this. Who says, “Hmmm…signature shirt, you say? I’d like a samurai warrior…yes, that represents me. Oh, but holding a sword, and with a large tiger head on the front. And then I want it to look as cheap as possible, so put some glittery ‘Asian’ lettering on the back, even though I’m Jewish and can’t read ‘Asian.’ Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

by The Great Barstoolio on Jun 16, 2009 7:24 PM EDT up reply actions