after the jump, for reasons that shall become obvious

TASHARD CHOICE IS STILL EITHER AN ASSHOLE OR A PIECE OF SHIT, I'M NOT SURE WHICH THIS FAVORS BUT EITHER WAY.

The problem is, so is my DVR, which failed to record the game not once but TWICE, and I don't live in a Comcast zone. Sooooooo...in lieu of the usual scoring process I will just acknowledge that Jacory was sublime, the kicking game sucked ass, and give one giant award to my favorite football player on the face of the planet, fullback Pat Hill, who is what happens when an orca walks on land and wears a helmet.

BEHOLD NUMBER 30

There has never been such a delightful combination of hilarious bullfrog stance, bone-crushing blocking, and celebratory twinkle toes. He's like a stretched-out bowling ball with upside-down pears for legs, and every single time he was on the field I was overcome with glee. How does someone so big move so gracefully? How does he run in slo-mo while everyone else runs normal? How are his hands so soft when they've killed so many people? Can we keep him?

Last year he won the team's Unsung Hero award. This year, we will sing him. For protecting Jacory Harris, for barreling a path for the running backs, for hitting the everliving shit out of everyone and someone on Travis Benjamin's reverse.

For the Land Shamu: five Yesteryear Commemorative Tashard Choice is an Assholes. Salute!